I just wanna know that what went wrong in my relationship with those friends..??? Was it a communication gap or was it a misunderstanding that went far enough to poison and kill the once fruitful tree of our friendship…??? Well I have lost many a friends because of communication gap, many more because of misunderstandings. They happen all the time… Little things which turn into big problems in no time… I lose my temper and also the my once good friend loses it and than it happens that words are spoken… which should not be and all hell breaks lose…!!! I have been in such type of situations many a times… I try to improve each time and analyze(sounds as if I have been testing friendships..!!!???) what actually rang the death bell…. and came to know that at least one of the guys need to be calm and patient, and should have a nature to let go off the things… Listen things carefully and figure out the way… to stop what is wrong…!!!
I took the initiative my self and changed my self… controlled my anger and also built a tendency to let go things…. well at first it seemed to work… I just thought that there would be no rift with people if I do what they like. But while doing this, actually I slowly stopped thinking about myself… People came first for me… I, myself was always the last… But I didn’t care about it… I always thought it was bad to be selfish… And so for once I thought that I have achieved what I had changed myself for… but than one fine day I came across the bitter truth that even though you changed for people.. they won’t change their perspective towards you… They will only see you as one who adjusts with them all the time… that you have no feelings and are always there to help you.. and expect nothing in return.. well still I don’t care bout the latter parts… I am selfless and wouldn’t even think twice to help someone.. and would never expect something in return… but when people use you and take advantage of your nature.. thats the time it hurts the most… And I have been used by people(I don’t consider them friends anymore.. so people would be the right word to call them) a lot… Also, I have changed myself for people to such an extent that I don’t remember the real me… I feel myself kinda lost… and all these changes and sufferings have really made me stubborn… A real feelings less person…!!! It may sound weird… but it is the truth…!!!
After all this… Questions arise in my mind… I have made many friends(some good and some still with the intent of using me… but finally who cares..???) but lost myself in the process….. I have become popular with them… but lost my own identity in doing so… So I ask now… Was all this worth it…??? Was changing for others a good idea or the worst decision I took in my life…????